Trends in Basketball
Next to the attempted murder of the guy who used to coach at Seton Hall, this is what Latrell Sprewell’s basketball legacy will be. Not only did he already have a $13.5 million contract for his on-court role as a Timberwolves swingman, he has netted millions more from his on-screen roles in the Predator series. The latter of these, AVP, is widely believed to have damaged the T-Wolves chemistry, as the film version of the battle between Sprewell and teammate Sam Cassell bled into the lockerroom.
4) Isaiah Thomas’s continuing career as an NBA executive.
Hiring Zeke was the Knicks' worst mistake since they brought Whoopi Goldberg in to coach in the movie “Eddie.” Generally, an employer will look over a potential employee’s job qualifications before hiring them. Hmmm, let’s see. Flushed an expansion team down the crapper: check. Bankrupted an entire league: check. Crippled a former NBA title contender: check. They only think that can possibly hurt the Knicks any more is Zeke’s imminent signing of Juwanna Mann.
2006 addendum: Zeke has managed to make an even bigger fool of himself this year. Hiring Larry Brown is proving to be a worse decision than when Ted Danson showed up to the Friar’s Club roast of girlfriend Whoopi Goldberg wearing blackface makeup. Anytime you justify a trade with the words: “It’s so crazy it just might work” you have pretty much sealed your fate.
3) The And-1 Mix Tape Tour.
“And 1” is a reference to scoring a basket while being fouled, thereby earning the bucket “and one” free throw attempt. The commission of a foul, though, requires the presence of defense. Like Rae Carruth or any all-star game ever, the And-1 Mix Tape Tour has none. Semantic issues aside, I find the spread of the streetball style of play to the youth of America appalling. Kids don’t want to hit a jumper, they want to bounce the ball off another player’s head and yell “Oh, baby! Oh, baby!”
2) Kobe Bryant.
It should come as no surprise that a man named for a steak would treat people like pieces of meat. What is surprising, though, is how much pub this guy gets. ESPN has made it their duty to turn Kobe in the weight that balances their East Coast-centric coverage of UConn, the Yankees, and the Red Sox. They fall all over themselves to bring news of the lecherous Laker to the gossip-loving ears of the brain-dead masses. While some of us would prefer to see highlights and game breakdowns, we are forced to listen to Roger Cossack highlight and breakdown the intricacies of Kobe’s civil suit settlement. It’s almost enough to make me wish there were hockey highlights to fill that time. Almost.
1) The WNBA
Most professional sports leagues display a quality of play above that of their amateur counterparts, but not this one. With this list’s #4 running a distant second, no other entity has been a bigger financial drag on the sport. The NBA has funneled cash into this venture for years. At least Vince McMahon jumped ship on the XFL after just one season. In some cases, it is mandated that purchasers of NBA season tickets purchase WNBA season tickets as well. This is borderline criminal, if not for the extortion, then for the subjection to cruel and unusual punishment of being subjected to all those games. How would you feel if you went to the Chevy dealer to buy a brand-new Corvette and were told that you had to buy an Aveo as well? I thought so. They’ve borrowed liberally from the marketing schemes of cigarette companies (going after children who are too young to decide between right and wrong) and Skittles (Taste the Rainbow), but it seems to be having little affect on mainstream America. I could be wrong though. Maybe, like a pharmaceutically controlled case of herpes, the WNBA is just waiting for a breakout.