| JC5: The Jerks R Back "Where no man is greater than any other, because we're all equally worthless." |
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You are the star player on a college or NBA team. Who do want to coach you?
SM: I'm going take a shot at low brow humor, because hey, it's what we do at scrubsports.com. Pokey
Chatman baby, hot lesbian action.
CS: Huge toss-up here. On one hand, I’d love to play under Steve Fisher because I could wear baggy shorts
and black socks and I’d be getting paid top dollar by Piggy Myron, God rest his soul. On the other, I’d love to
play for Zeke Thomas because I’d be getting paid about 10 times my actual market value, I wouldn’t have to
play well, and I could murder someone and still have a better public image than my coach.
BL: If I actually wanted to become the best player I could be, probably Bob Knight or Roy Williams and stay
for 4 years. If I was a selfish money loving NBA baller who’s street cred and bling were tied solely to my
scoring average then I would say Isiah Thomas or Mike Davis, “shoot till your happy” would be the philosophy.
(It was Ed Martin not Piggy Myron who was giving out the money at Michigan by the way).
WR: Jeff Van Gundy. He thought me the ways of ankle lock submissions.
SW: I gotta go with Larry Brown: he is obviously quite successful, he will bring immediate results, then will
retire after two years tops because of some mysterious health issue. So by the time I got sick of him, he
would be gone and on a vacation with Jessica Simpson. Sounds like a win-win to me (but not Jessica
Simpson).
GS: I would choose to play for Coach K at Duke. Then as soon as I arrived on campus I would beat him
senseless, piss all over Cameron Indoor Stadium, and promptly transfer to a Prep School until I was old
enough to declare for the NBA draft. Not sure if that's what you were looking for, but that's the image I get
everytime I see those spoiled little floor-slappers from Duke on TV.
SM: I'm going take a shot at low brow humor, because hey, it's what we do at scrubsports.com. Pokey
Chatman baby, hot lesbian action.
CS: Huge toss-up here. On one hand, I’d love to play under Steve Fisher because I could wear baggy shorts
and black socks and I’d be getting paid top dollar by Piggy Myron, God rest his soul. On the other, I’d love to
play for Zeke Thomas because I’d be getting paid about 10 times my actual market value, I wouldn’t have to
play well, and I could murder someone and still have a better public image than my coach.
BL: If I actually wanted to become the best player I could be, probably Bob Knight or Roy Williams and stay
for 4 years. If I was a selfish money loving NBA baller who’s street cred and bling were tied solely to my
scoring average then I would say Isiah Thomas or Mike Davis, “shoot till your happy” would be the philosophy.
(It was Ed Martin not Piggy Myron who was giving out the money at Michigan by the way).
WR: Jeff Van Gundy. He thought me the ways of ankle lock submissions.
SW: I gotta go with Larry Brown: he is obviously quite successful, he will bring immediate results, then will
retire after two years tops because of some mysterious health issue. So by the time I got sick of him, he
would be gone and on a vacation with Jessica Simpson. Sounds like a win-win to me (but not Jessica
Simpson).
GS: I would choose to play for Coach K at Duke. Then as soon as I arrived on campus I would beat him
senseless, piss all over Cameron Indoor Stadium, and promptly transfer to a Prep School until I was old
enough to declare for the NBA draft. Not sure if that's what you were looking for, but that's the image I get
everytime I see those spoiled little floor-slappers from Duke on TV.
Top 5 Action movies of the last 20 years (we’re going to try to stay strict with this, so no sci-fi, no period pieces, etc; that means no Matrix, no
Braveheart):
SM: Boondock Saints, Full Metal Jacket, Die Hard, Terminator 2 and if Shefield can use Terminator and say no Sci-Fi, I'm saying screw the no period pieces and going with 300.
CS: Die Hard, Terminator 2 (though it features robots and time travel, Ah-nold's presence negates any category restrictions), From Dusk Till Dawn, Robocop, Bloodsport
BL: Die Hard 2, Terminator 2, Fight Club, Beverly Hills Ninja, Young Guns.
WR: True Romance, Crank, Die Hard, Shoot Em Up, Pirates
SW: Die Hard, Predator, The Bourne Ultimatum, Goldeneye, Terminator 2
GS: In no particular order..... Terminator 2, Predator, Universal Soldier, Rambo II, Die Hard
How did the Mitchell Report affect your view of steroids in baseball?
SM: Look, I love baseball and I love it's tradition. There is something about the game that can capture the imagination like no other sport. Something you understand about baseball
though when you really look at the game is that there is almost always something going on to tarnish it's image. In the old days it was betting scandals, more recently there was the strike
and of course 'roids. I guess it all boils down to me being annoyed that the Mitchell report made me look realistically at baseball when part of the reason I love it is that it makes me feel
like a kid. Eventually I will go back to just loving baseball as innocently as I can, and for now I say screw you Bud Selig for pushing this and taking away some of the joy.
CS: Really, very little. As the names scrolled across on ESPN, I was like: “yep, yep, huh?, yep, duh, okay.” I mean, most of the names on the list were either well known already or could
have been easily assumed by anyone whose head isn’t lodge up their ass. Glenallen Hill? A cat doesn’t put the ball on the roof of a building outside of Wrigley if he’s au natural. It
pissed me off more than anything; if MLB had given me $30 million, I’d have come up with a hell of a lot more names. Just for shits and giggles, here are a few: Bret Boone, Aaron Boone,
Brady Anderson, Ryan Klesko, Greg Vaughn, and Jim Edmonds (Streeter’s heard tell of Jimmy being a fan of the nose candy as well) to name a few. Though unethical and generally
illegal, no one tested for steroids. Further, without them, baseball would probably still be languishing in the doldrums with hockey and soccer. Sosa (huge douche) and McGwire (huge
vagina) brought the game back with a little help from PEDs, and frankly, I’m glad they did.
BL: It just confirmed what we already know, mainly that way more guys were doing it then were in the report and that pretty much every homer or stat from the 90’s and early 2000’s can
now be questioned and means less, even if that particular player didn’t do anything. In the end baseball helped itself as the home run era helped regain popularity after the 94 strike, but
no matter what happens, there will always be a cloud of uncertainty over the sport (and a lot of yapping about what to do) and it will never again be the great American pastime that your
grandparents used to sit around the fireplace with their parents and listen to on the radio to hear about Willie Mays, Joltin’ Joe, and the Mick. Getting into the Hall of Fame will also mean
less as many of the “greats” from our era will never get in and it will become less important like it is in the other sports.
WR: Not really, it just gave me clarity on some of the names that appeared. I'm just glad that Eric Davis didn't appear on the list.
SW: To be honest, I don’t really know what the Mitchell Report is because I hate SportsCenter and don’t follow unimportant sports news, but from what I’ve gathered on the subject, it was
some document that labeled a whole bunch of steroids users. As Chuck Barkley illustrated so poignantly many years ago, these athletes are not role models, and frankly, if given the
opportunity to enhance their performance in this cutthroat business while staying within the stated rules, why is that bad or unfortunate? If it was legal and within the parameters of
baseball, who cares? I mean, Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa were all great players with or without steroids, especially Bonds. Steroids might
make the ball go an extra ten feet but it does not provide Bonds any assistance with his incredible hand-eye coordination. Bret Boone and Brady Anderson were probably juiced and had
tremendous individual seasons, but it’s not like we are debating their Hall of Fame merits. They took advantage of their 15 minutes, not too dissimilar to Deep Blue Something with
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” And who is to say that most of the pitchers these guys faced weren’t juiced as well, so it’s still facing similar competition. These guys are extremely talented,
wanted records and fame, juiced up, stayed within the rules, then get criticized by reporters who undoubtedly have done something similar by stealing a story tip from a colleague at one
point to get on the radar of their editor and move up within the newspaper. It all seems cogent to me.
GS: The actual report didn't affect my views. The whole Steriod Era only does because of all the records that were broken. I found the report fairly interesting and somewhat informative
considering Mitchell didn't have subpoena power so no one was forced to talk to him. I was glad to see some big names on the list like Clemens, Pettitte, and Tejada but we all know
there are many more. Does it really matter though? I'll still be tuning in to watch my Cubbies everyday.
If you knew that there would be no suspensions, sanctions, or other negative ramifications, would you take steroids.
SM: Who wouldn't?? If it meant millions of dollars and a better life for me and my family, you're damn right I would have and so would any of you reading this.
CS: Hell yes. I don’t have much cartilage in either knee, my back hurts all the time, and I’m sore after lifting for 10 minutes. Anybody got Brian McNamee’s phone number? I’ll even keep
my voice recorder off. I just want some of whatever it was he gave Clemens, because I would love to still be going that strong in 16 years.
BL: If you could guarantee me the money they make for 10-15 years, who wouldn’t. Every kid dreams of being a sports start and who wouldn’t want to live that dream and get rich in the
process rather than going to work? Your body erodes and decays anyway so what’s the difference, right? Apparently some other people did from what I am hearing, why not see how
good a perfectly tuned human body can run and jump and compete.
WR: No because my head barely fits in the Lucha Mask already.
SW: Yes, probably. Although that may really test my legal agreement to be a spokesman for Hennigan’s, as they require clean urine samples every 6-8 months. If it worked for Kramer,
then it will have to do for me.
GS: Without question I would roid up. Pro athletes count on their bodies to make money and perform. They will only have that body for a short period of time so it's important to earn as
much money as possible in that 10-15 year span. Besides, if taken properly they can be extremely beneficial. I don't really blame these guys for taking PED's. I'm sure some of them felt
like they had to do it just to stay in the game.
If given the chance, which sport or league would you eliminate from the American landscape?
SM: Gonna go with the NBA. Mostly because I flat do not care about it any longer beyond about 4 teams. I can barely watch a game any longer. Plus eliminating the NBA would take away
any funding for the WNBA and for God's sake keep that crap off my tv.
CS: God, I would love to say the WNBA, but it’s just such an easy target. Hell, I’m not willing to think too hard on this one, so I’m sticking with the WNBA.
BL: Any league I don’t care about who’s game runs over into the next game I want to watch on tv. But since that isn’t specific at all, The Winter Olympics.
WR: I'm going to hit a nerve with this one but lets get rid of soccer. It's a worthless sport and all the guys that play it are the ones that we use to beat up in high school. Learn to play a sport
that allows you to use your hands. There are more men in the WNBA than in the MLS.
SW: I know this sounds sacrilegious, but can I say basketball entirely? Nobody cares about the NBA anymore, college hoops are apparently still being played, and Indiana screwed
everything up by installing the high school class system after ’98. Football rules the world now and basketball seems like such an antiquated notion anymore. It’s just such a shame that
people don’t give some secondary sports (golf, hockey, lacrosse, soccer) a chance because they are just as good as or better than basketball. We need to stop this hoops obsession in
America.
GS: Without question, the MLS or any other soccer league. This is America. We play real football here. It may be really exciting for those soccer hooligans to watch a bunch of dirty, Euro-
trash influenced "athletes" flop all over the field and battle to 1-0 final scores, but there is no room for it in this country. Do away with it, I say. And do it fast.
Braveheart):
SM: Boondock Saints, Full Metal Jacket, Die Hard, Terminator 2 and if Shefield can use Terminator and say no Sci-Fi, I'm saying screw the no period pieces and going with 300.
CS: Die Hard, Terminator 2 (though it features robots and time travel, Ah-nold's presence negates any category restrictions), From Dusk Till Dawn, Robocop, Bloodsport
BL: Die Hard 2, Terminator 2, Fight Club, Beverly Hills Ninja, Young Guns.
WR: True Romance, Crank, Die Hard, Shoot Em Up, Pirates
SW: Die Hard, Predator, The Bourne Ultimatum, Goldeneye, Terminator 2
GS: In no particular order..... Terminator 2, Predator, Universal Soldier, Rambo II, Die Hard
How did the Mitchell Report affect your view of steroids in baseball?
SM: Look, I love baseball and I love it's tradition. There is something about the game that can capture the imagination like no other sport. Something you understand about baseball
though when you really look at the game is that there is almost always something going on to tarnish it's image. In the old days it was betting scandals, more recently there was the strike
and of course 'roids. I guess it all boils down to me being annoyed that the Mitchell report made me look realistically at baseball when part of the reason I love it is that it makes me feel
like a kid. Eventually I will go back to just loving baseball as innocently as I can, and for now I say screw you Bud Selig for pushing this and taking away some of the joy.
CS: Really, very little. As the names scrolled across on ESPN, I was like: “yep, yep, huh?, yep, duh, okay.” I mean, most of the names on the list were either well known already or could
have been easily assumed by anyone whose head isn’t lodge up their ass. Glenallen Hill? A cat doesn’t put the ball on the roof of a building outside of Wrigley if he’s au natural. It
pissed me off more than anything; if MLB had given me $30 million, I’d have come up with a hell of a lot more names. Just for shits and giggles, here are a few: Bret Boone, Aaron Boone,
Brady Anderson, Ryan Klesko, Greg Vaughn, and Jim Edmonds (Streeter’s heard tell of Jimmy being a fan of the nose candy as well) to name a few. Though unethical and generally
illegal, no one tested for steroids. Further, without them, baseball would probably still be languishing in the doldrums with hockey and soccer. Sosa (huge douche) and McGwire (huge
vagina) brought the game back with a little help from PEDs, and frankly, I’m glad they did.
BL: It just confirmed what we already know, mainly that way more guys were doing it then were in the report and that pretty much every homer or stat from the 90’s and early 2000’s can
now be questioned and means less, even if that particular player didn’t do anything. In the end baseball helped itself as the home run era helped regain popularity after the 94 strike, but
no matter what happens, there will always be a cloud of uncertainty over the sport (and a lot of yapping about what to do) and it will never again be the great American pastime that your
grandparents used to sit around the fireplace with their parents and listen to on the radio to hear about Willie Mays, Joltin’ Joe, and the Mick. Getting into the Hall of Fame will also mean
less as many of the “greats” from our era will never get in and it will become less important like it is in the other sports.
WR: Not really, it just gave me clarity on some of the names that appeared. I'm just glad that Eric Davis didn't appear on the list.
SW: To be honest, I don’t really know what the Mitchell Report is because I hate SportsCenter and don’t follow unimportant sports news, but from what I’ve gathered on the subject, it was
some document that labeled a whole bunch of steroids users. As Chuck Barkley illustrated so poignantly many years ago, these athletes are not role models, and frankly, if given the
opportunity to enhance their performance in this cutthroat business while staying within the stated rules, why is that bad or unfortunate? If it was legal and within the parameters of
baseball, who cares? I mean, Barry Bonds and Mark McGwire and Rafael Palmeiro and Sammy Sosa were all great players with or without steroids, especially Bonds. Steroids might
make the ball go an extra ten feet but it does not provide Bonds any assistance with his incredible hand-eye coordination. Bret Boone and Brady Anderson were probably juiced and had
tremendous individual seasons, but it’s not like we are debating their Hall of Fame merits. They took advantage of their 15 minutes, not too dissimilar to Deep Blue Something with
“Breakfast at Tiffany’s.” And who is to say that most of the pitchers these guys faced weren’t juiced as well, so it’s still facing similar competition. These guys are extremely talented,
wanted records and fame, juiced up, stayed within the rules, then get criticized by reporters who undoubtedly have done something similar by stealing a story tip from a colleague at one
point to get on the radar of their editor and move up within the newspaper. It all seems cogent to me.
GS: The actual report didn't affect my views. The whole Steriod Era only does because of all the records that were broken. I found the report fairly interesting and somewhat informative
considering Mitchell didn't have subpoena power so no one was forced to talk to him. I was glad to see some big names on the list like Clemens, Pettitte, and Tejada but we all know
there are many more. Does it really matter though? I'll still be tuning in to watch my Cubbies everyday.
If you knew that there would be no suspensions, sanctions, or other negative ramifications, would you take steroids.
SM: Who wouldn't?? If it meant millions of dollars and a better life for me and my family, you're damn right I would have and so would any of you reading this.
CS: Hell yes. I don’t have much cartilage in either knee, my back hurts all the time, and I’m sore after lifting for 10 minutes. Anybody got Brian McNamee’s phone number? I’ll even keep
my voice recorder off. I just want some of whatever it was he gave Clemens, because I would love to still be going that strong in 16 years.
BL: If you could guarantee me the money they make for 10-15 years, who wouldn’t. Every kid dreams of being a sports start and who wouldn’t want to live that dream and get rich in the
process rather than going to work? Your body erodes and decays anyway so what’s the difference, right? Apparently some other people did from what I am hearing, why not see how
good a perfectly tuned human body can run and jump and compete.
WR: No because my head barely fits in the Lucha Mask already.
SW: Yes, probably. Although that may really test my legal agreement to be a spokesman for Hennigan’s, as they require clean urine samples every 6-8 months. If it worked for Kramer,
then it will have to do for me.
GS: Without question I would roid up. Pro athletes count on their bodies to make money and perform. They will only have that body for a short period of time so it's important to earn as
much money as possible in that 10-15 year span. Besides, if taken properly they can be extremely beneficial. I don't really blame these guys for taking PED's. I'm sure some of them felt
like they had to do it just to stay in the game.
If given the chance, which sport or league would you eliminate from the American landscape?
SM: Gonna go with the NBA. Mostly because I flat do not care about it any longer beyond about 4 teams. I can barely watch a game any longer. Plus eliminating the NBA would take away
any funding for the WNBA and for God's sake keep that crap off my tv.
CS: God, I would love to say the WNBA, but it’s just such an easy target. Hell, I’m not willing to think too hard on this one, so I’m sticking with the WNBA.
BL: Any league I don’t care about who’s game runs over into the next game I want to watch on tv. But since that isn’t specific at all, The Winter Olympics.
WR: I'm going to hit a nerve with this one but lets get rid of soccer. It's a worthless sport and all the guys that play it are the ones that we use to beat up in high school. Learn to play a sport
that allows you to use your hands. There are more men in the WNBA than in the MLS.
SW: I know this sounds sacrilegious, but can I say basketball entirely? Nobody cares about the NBA anymore, college hoops are apparently still being played, and Indiana screwed
everything up by installing the high school class system after ’98. Football rules the world now and basketball seems like such an antiquated notion anymore. It’s just such a shame that
people don’t give some secondary sports (golf, hockey, lacrosse, soccer) a chance because they are just as good as or better than basketball. We need to stop this hoops obsession in
America.
GS: Without question, the MLS or any other soccer league. This is America. We play real football here. It may be really exciting for those soccer hooligans to watch a bunch of dirty, Euro-
trash influenced "athletes" flop all over the field and battle to 1-0 final scores, but there is no room for it in this country. Do away with it, I say. And do it fast.
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