| The Jerk Circle 3 "Where No man is more valuable than any other, because we're all equally worthless" |
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In this, our most expansive installment to date (though we've only been up for two
months, so that's not really saying much), all 6 staffers have come together to answer 6
semi-interesting questions. That means 36 chances to piss someone off.
Rick Reilly has announced that he will be leaving SI for ESPN to provide
back-page columns in ESPN the Mag, essays for SportsCenter, and
coverage during golf tournaments. What does this mean for SI, for ESPN,
and for the fans out there?
CS: I don’t think it means anything to SI. I mean, it’s called Sports Illustrated, not Rick Reilly Illustrated. For
ESPN, it means they’re one more small step closer to owning the rights to every sports-related person or
event in America. And I could give a fork about the rest of the fans, but his departure from SI means that I
will no longer have to intentionally avoid that magazine’s last page.
MG: I’ve got a very refined palette when it comes to sports publications: The Sporting News has a smoky,
almost nutty flavor; Muscle & Fitness has an aroma of sweat and iron but a sweet aftertaste; SI always had
a hearty, gamey taste until the last page, when it just tasted like sappy self-indulgence and smarm (if
smarm can really have a flavor).
BL: Just watch one half hour on ESPNNEWS each night to get the human interest story of the day about
some guy and his life and how tough it is to be a rich pro athlete, that will ease the pain of him not being in
SI.
SM: It pretty much just means that Reilly is adding to Communist State of Sports that has become ESPN.
Kinda pisses me off, but at the same time SI has felt pretty damn irrelevant for about 4 years. Madden
easily has the better curse.
months, so that's not really saying much), all 6 staffers have come together to answer 6
semi-interesting questions. That means 36 chances to piss someone off.
Rick Reilly has announced that he will be leaving SI for ESPN to provide
back-page columns in ESPN the Mag, essays for SportsCenter, and
coverage during golf tournaments. What does this mean for SI, for ESPN,
and for the fans out there?
CS: I don’t think it means anything to SI. I mean, it’s called Sports Illustrated, not Rick Reilly Illustrated. For
ESPN, it means they’re one more small step closer to owning the rights to every sports-related person or
event in America. And I could give a fork about the rest of the fans, but his departure from SI means that I
will no longer have to intentionally avoid that magazine’s last page.
MG: I’ve got a very refined palette when it comes to sports publications: The Sporting News has a smoky,
almost nutty flavor; Muscle & Fitness has an aroma of sweat and iron but a sweet aftertaste; SI always had
a hearty, gamey taste until the last page, when it just tasted like sappy self-indulgence and smarm (if
smarm can really have a flavor).
BL: Just watch one half hour on ESPNNEWS each night to get the human interest story of the day about
some guy and his life and how tough it is to be a rich pro athlete, that will ease the pain of him not being in
SI.
SM: It pretty much just means that Reilly is adding to Communist State of Sports that has become ESPN.
Kinda pisses me off, but at the same time SI has felt pretty damn irrelevant for about 4 years. Madden
easily has the better curse.
WR: If the Suns are playing I will watch but I could care less about the Association anymore! I rate it as a 3, which is still higher than Vince Young's Wonderlic Test score.
GS: What’s the NBA?
On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being “please shoot me in the face and end this madness” and 10 being “hell yeah, I’m
gonna go out and buy me a Wes Unseld throwback,” rate your excitement in regards to the start another NBA
season.
CS: Well, I did sign up for a fantasy basketball team again this year. That said, I’d say I’m at an even 2, which is just below the excitement level I had for the
theatrical release of Pootie Tang. Sa da tay!
MG: A solid 7; I have officially rekindled my Celtics fan-hood in order to join the ranks of the other fair-weather followers in Boston.
BL: 4 cause I’m not enthusiastically hating of it, but have no interest also. I’ll catch the occasional game and sit through the dunking highlights but that is
about it. No other league has so many average players making so much money, they have to give it away to get anyone to go.
SM: roughly a 3.5. I don't really want to shoot myself, but i'll be damned if I ever buy another piece of NBA attire any time soon. I'm mildly intrigued by the
Suns, Nuggets, Celtics and Kobe-less Bulls. Otherwise, I could give a rip less about the Spurs, Kobe or LeBron. Call me when you realize you're supposed to
entertain me with BASKETBALL, not something where the commissioner compares his league to reality-F***ING-TV. Christ.
WR: If the Suns are playing I will watch but I could care less about the Association anymore! I rate it as a 3, which is still higher than Vince Young's Wonderlic
Test score.
GS: What’s the NBA?
Do you think the Patriots have run up the score on opponents and what are your feelings on the idea of “running it
up?”
CS: I think that it’s impossible to run up the score in a sport where the athletes are being paid, and I don’t really have a problem with running up the score in
general. I was present at a girls JV basketball game where our team won with a final score of 88-6; 2 of the points for the losers were scored on a shot that a
girl tossed over her head. I wholeheartedly believe that if you suck, you need to be made aware of just how bad you suck.
MG: Hell no. This is the best team around right now, and I know from experience. This past summer, I was working out with Tom Brady; you know, running
some routes for him and whatnot. I thought I was supposed to be running a square-in, but before I could even see it coming, the ball popped me right in the
eye. He button-hooked me! I didn’t know he was gonna button-hook me. He’s a regular Staubach, that Brady is.
BL: It’s one thing in college or high school where some teams are just superior due to money, facilities, etc and when the game is being played for the fun of
it, it is bad at some point. There is no running it up in the NFL, every team has the same payroll, and every player earned his way into the league. If you
cannot stop them from scoring then you need to make changes. If their backups, most of whom are playing for their next job, score on you, then you suck and
need to improve, whining only makes you look more pathetic. You lost 52-7 and then complained that they ran it up? Yeah that should be your first worry.
SM: Memo to the Skins--you're professionals. Play like it and quit bitching.
WR: I expect them to run up the score constantly. After all, they do use the worlds best camera men.
SW: It’s hard to say that a pro team is running up the score. I mean, everyone playing is getting paid a lot of money, so just suck it up and make a stop if you
don’t like it. New England is scoring so much, so early, that it would be dumb for them to take their starters out so early. Brady has all day to pass anyway, so
they’re not risking injury.
GS: No. You cannot run up the score in the NFL. Do I think they’re on a mission to go undefeated and break as many records as possible? Yes. Would I enjoy
seeing Brady or Moss go down with an injury when they’re winning big in the 4th quarter? Yes. If you don’t want them to score then step up and stop them. It’
s as simple as that.
If you had only one outfit to wear for the rest of your life, would you choose Jack Del Rio’s suit or Bill Belichick’s
hoodie?
CS: The hoodie, easily. I’ve never really been comfortable in a suit and I hate to tie ties. The only problem I’d have with the hoodie is that whole cut-off-
sleeve thing Bill’s doing; it’s a little too rainbow-flag for me.
MG: I can’t wear suits, so I’m going with the hoodie. It’s like the 21st-Century version of the cutoff sweater Jennifer Beals wore in Flashdance.
BL: Hoodie for sure. It is so versatile: you can coach, play golf, go to work, and shop in it. Plus, in Indiana the fact that it has some kind of a sleeve on it
(even if you cut if off halfway) makes you look like a made man in this mass of people appareled in wifebeaters, hoops jerseys with no t shirts under them, and,
of course, the shirtless.
SM: Hoodie, no contest. While I look damn good in a suit, and I do, I'm pretty sure the only way it would be worse is if I had to wear one wet sock and shoe
for the rest of my life.
WR: Jack Del Rio's suit only because it looks sweet with the Lucha Mask.
SW: I would say the suit. Belichick has a distinctive look, and it is certainly respectable that he has gone all Taco Bell-visit on us, but the suit looks great in
every situation. Del Rio doesn’t look quite right, but Mike Nolan definitely makes it look smooth.
GS: I’d take Del Rio’s suit. I’ll go with class over trash any day. Plus, I wouldn’t want to do anything to associate myself with Belicheat.
Halloween has come and gone, but who do you think is the scariest active NFL athlete? Scariest of all time?
CS: Right now? Devin Hester. Teams would rather squib kick the ball to the 45 than let Devin The Returner get his hands on it. Ever? John Matuzak. I heard
that he only had to spend 5 minutes in makeup to play Sloth in The Goonies.
MG: Now: Kyle Orton; anyone who can look like that and still take himself seriously has got to be feared. All time: tie between Rae Carruth and Lyle Alzado.
BL: Now: Probably Marion Barber running downhill with his arm shiver ready to hit you like Dino Bravo in his prime. Ever: Probably OJ post career.
SM: Ray Lewis--Seriously, murder someone and you get to walk away??? All-time has be a tie between O.J. (see above, plus the way he smiles just creeps
me out but nearly as bad as his acting) and Jim Brown in Mars Attacks. I thought i was gonna die watching that.
WR: Bill Romanowski because he was racist and on the juice. Scariest of all time is Corky from Life Goes On. I still have nightmares about him wearing that
halo in a hospital bed.
SW: The scariest NFL athlete is definitely Devin Hester. He’s a freak and might already be the best return man of all time. The scariest of all time was probably
Bryant Reeves when he stepped on a scale: that lockout did him no favors to the waistline.
GS: Active…… I’ll have to go with Adrian Peterson of the Vikings. Teams stack the box against this guy and he still runs over and away from everyone. Oh,
and he’s only a rookie. All time……I’d say Dick Butkus or Lawrence Taylor. Their goal was to inflict as much pain on the opposition as possible and they did a
damn good job it.
Who would you rather have playing for your favorite team: A-Rod or Kobe?
CS: Easy: A-Rod. If that big slice of Latino beefcake was playing on the North Side of Chicago, the Cubs would be an instant World Series contender. Also, it
would drive Boys’ Town wild. If Kobe was in town, I’d constantly have to worry about my sister being raped.
MG: Kobe, because he’s at least won a title. When A-Rod comes to town, the teams get worse; when he leaves, they get better.
BL: A Rod since I have no favorite NBA team. I root for the Pacers because I live here but I’ve turned down free floor level seats to their games before
because I would rather go out to the same bars I always go to in Broad Ripple then sit through a rap concert with basketball being played as a sideshow. And
with A Rod the Cubs might bat over .250 in the playoffs. Might.
SM: Do I have to pick one??? I don't really want either because neither will ever win a championship as "The Man." I'll say Kobe merely because I could care
less about the NBA.
WR: Kobe because he could hook me up with all the 18 yr old cheerleaders that my body could take.
SW: Kobe. One basketball player makes a much bigger impact on a team than a baseball player does. The Lakers have actually made the playoffs the last two
seasons with basically a one-man team. I don’t recall the Rangers doing much with A-Rod. Plus, Kobe is really good and would probably be even better when
he must prove himself to new fans.
GS: Tough question but I’ll go with A-Rod. He takes a lot of unfair criticism because he makes a lot of money and hasn’t produced in the playoffs. He’s still the
best player in baseball. Kobe tries too hard to emulate MJ and he whines too much. I’ll take a pretty boy over a malcontent anytime.
GS: What’s the NBA?
On a scale of 1-10, with 1 being “please shoot me in the face and end this madness” and 10 being “hell yeah, I’m
gonna go out and buy me a Wes Unseld throwback,” rate your excitement in regards to the start another NBA
season.
CS: Well, I did sign up for a fantasy basketball team again this year. That said, I’d say I’m at an even 2, which is just below the excitement level I had for the
theatrical release of Pootie Tang. Sa da tay!
MG: A solid 7; I have officially rekindled my Celtics fan-hood in order to join the ranks of the other fair-weather followers in Boston.
BL: 4 cause I’m not enthusiastically hating of it, but have no interest also. I’ll catch the occasional game and sit through the dunking highlights but that is
about it. No other league has so many average players making so much money, they have to give it away to get anyone to go.
SM: roughly a 3.5. I don't really want to shoot myself, but i'll be damned if I ever buy another piece of NBA attire any time soon. I'm mildly intrigued by the
Suns, Nuggets, Celtics and Kobe-less Bulls. Otherwise, I could give a rip less about the Spurs, Kobe or LeBron. Call me when you realize you're supposed to
entertain me with BASKETBALL, not something where the commissioner compares his league to reality-F***ING-TV. Christ.
WR: If the Suns are playing I will watch but I could care less about the Association anymore! I rate it as a 3, which is still higher than Vince Young's Wonderlic
Test score.
GS: What’s the NBA?
Do you think the Patriots have run up the score on opponents and what are your feelings on the idea of “running it
up?”
CS: I think that it’s impossible to run up the score in a sport where the athletes are being paid, and I don’t really have a problem with running up the score in
general. I was present at a girls JV basketball game where our team won with a final score of 88-6; 2 of the points for the losers were scored on a shot that a
girl tossed over her head. I wholeheartedly believe that if you suck, you need to be made aware of just how bad you suck.
MG: Hell no. This is the best team around right now, and I know from experience. This past summer, I was working out with Tom Brady; you know, running
some routes for him and whatnot. I thought I was supposed to be running a square-in, but before I could even see it coming, the ball popped me right in the
eye. He button-hooked me! I didn’t know he was gonna button-hook me. He’s a regular Staubach, that Brady is.
BL: It’s one thing in college or high school where some teams are just superior due to money, facilities, etc and when the game is being played for the fun of
it, it is bad at some point. There is no running it up in the NFL, every team has the same payroll, and every player earned his way into the league. If you
cannot stop them from scoring then you need to make changes. If their backups, most of whom are playing for their next job, score on you, then you suck and
need to improve, whining only makes you look more pathetic. You lost 52-7 and then complained that they ran it up? Yeah that should be your first worry.
SM: Memo to the Skins--you're professionals. Play like it and quit bitching.
WR: I expect them to run up the score constantly. After all, they do use the worlds best camera men.
SW: It’s hard to say that a pro team is running up the score. I mean, everyone playing is getting paid a lot of money, so just suck it up and make a stop if you
don’t like it. New England is scoring so much, so early, that it would be dumb for them to take their starters out so early. Brady has all day to pass anyway, so
they’re not risking injury.
GS: No. You cannot run up the score in the NFL. Do I think they’re on a mission to go undefeated and break as many records as possible? Yes. Would I enjoy
seeing Brady or Moss go down with an injury when they’re winning big in the 4th quarter? Yes. If you don’t want them to score then step up and stop them. It’
s as simple as that.
If you had only one outfit to wear for the rest of your life, would you choose Jack Del Rio’s suit or Bill Belichick’s
hoodie?
CS: The hoodie, easily. I’ve never really been comfortable in a suit and I hate to tie ties. The only problem I’d have with the hoodie is that whole cut-off-
sleeve thing Bill’s doing; it’s a little too rainbow-flag for me.
MG: I can’t wear suits, so I’m going with the hoodie. It’s like the 21st-Century version of the cutoff sweater Jennifer Beals wore in Flashdance.
BL: Hoodie for sure. It is so versatile: you can coach, play golf, go to work, and shop in it. Plus, in Indiana the fact that it has some kind of a sleeve on it
(even if you cut if off halfway) makes you look like a made man in this mass of people appareled in wifebeaters, hoops jerseys with no t shirts under them, and,
of course, the shirtless.
SM: Hoodie, no contest. While I look damn good in a suit, and I do, I'm pretty sure the only way it would be worse is if I had to wear one wet sock and shoe
for the rest of my life.
WR: Jack Del Rio's suit only because it looks sweet with the Lucha Mask.
SW: I would say the suit. Belichick has a distinctive look, and it is certainly respectable that he has gone all Taco Bell-visit on us, but the suit looks great in
every situation. Del Rio doesn’t look quite right, but Mike Nolan definitely makes it look smooth.
GS: I’d take Del Rio’s suit. I’ll go with class over trash any day. Plus, I wouldn’t want to do anything to associate myself with Belicheat.
Halloween has come and gone, but who do you think is the scariest active NFL athlete? Scariest of all time?
CS: Right now? Devin Hester. Teams would rather squib kick the ball to the 45 than let Devin The Returner get his hands on it. Ever? John Matuzak. I heard
that he only had to spend 5 minutes in makeup to play Sloth in The Goonies.
MG: Now: Kyle Orton; anyone who can look like that and still take himself seriously has got to be feared. All time: tie between Rae Carruth and Lyle Alzado.
BL: Now: Probably Marion Barber running downhill with his arm shiver ready to hit you like Dino Bravo in his prime. Ever: Probably OJ post career.
SM: Ray Lewis--Seriously, murder someone and you get to walk away??? All-time has be a tie between O.J. (see above, plus the way he smiles just creeps
me out but nearly as bad as his acting) and Jim Brown in Mars Attacks. I thought i was gonna die watching that.
WR: Bill Romanowski because he was racist and on the juice. Scariest of all time is Corky from Life Goes On. I still have nightmares about him wearing that
halo in a hospital bed.
SW: The scariest NFL athlete is definitely Devin Hester. He’s a freak and might already be the best return man of all time. The scariest of all time was probably
Bryant Reeves when he stepped on a scale: that lockout did him no favors to the waistline.
GS: Active…… I’ll have to go with Adrian Peterson of the Vikings. Teams stack the box against this guy and he still runs over and away from everyone. Oh,
and he’s only a rookie. All time……I’d say Dick Butkus or Lawrence Taylor. Their goal was to inflict as much pain on the opposition as possible and they did a
damn good job it.
Who would you rather have playing for your favorite team: A-Rod or Kobe?
CS: Easy: A-Rod. If that big slice of Latino beefcake was playing on the North Side of Chicago, the Cubs would be an instant World Series contender. Also, it
would drive Boys’ Town wild. If Kobe was in town, I’d constantly have to worry about my sister being raped.
MG: Kobe, because he’s at least won a title. When A-Rod comes to town, the teams get worse; when he leaves, they get better.
BL: A Rod since I have no favorite NBA team. I root for the Pacers because I live here but I’ve turned down free floor level seats to their games before
because I would rather go out to the same bars I always go to in Broad Ripple then sit through a rap concert with basketball being played as a sideshow. And
with A Rod the Cubs might bat over .250 in the playoffs. Might.
SM: Do I have to pick one??? I don't really want either because neither will ever win a championship as "The Man." I'll say Kobe merely because I could care
less about the NBA.
WR: Kobe because he could hook me up with all the 18 yr old cheerleaders that my body could take.
SW: Kobe. One basketball player makes a much bigger impact on a team than a baseball player does. The Lakers have actually made the playoffs the last two
seasons with basically a one-man team. I don’t recall the Rangers doing much with A-Rod. Plus, Kobe is really good and would probably be even better when
he must prove himself to new fans.
GS: Tough question but I’ll go with A-Rod. He takes a lot of unfair criticism because he makes a lot of money and hasn’t produced in the playoffs. He’s still the
best player in baseball. Kobe tries too hard to emulate MJ and he whines too much. I’ll take a pretty boy over a malcontent anytime.
Clockwise, from top: Clark Sheffield, Bob Loblaw, Wildfire Rage, Steve Whitewater,
Skippy McMannis, George Streeter. Not Pictured: Murphy The Goat.
Skippy McMannis, George Streeter. Not Pictured: Murphy The Goat.