| The 10 Greatest Upsets in SBTB History (near misses) Clark Sheffield |
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Alright, fans, I promised you a list of the Top 10 Upsets and I will eventually complete the
list. But, like my taxes or my annual visit to the proctologist, I'm going to try to put it off as
long as possible. And that's why I've decided to give you my near misses, along with those of
George Streeter. Next week's article will finally reveal the top 10 and will also provide you with
the Top 10 lists of Streeter and Whitewater. I only hope the building anticipation doesn't melt
your brains.
list. But, like my taxes or my annual visit to the proctologist, I'm going to try to put it off as
long as possible. And that's why I've decided to give you my near misses, along with those of
George Streeter. Next week's article will finally reveal the top 10 and will also provide you with
the Top 10 lists of Streeter and Whitewater. I only hope the building anticipation doesn't melt
your brains.
Zack v. Maxwell Nerdstrom in a poker game to win back Screech’s mom’s dog [S2,E5]
This one missed the cut because it's not really much of an upset. I mean, it's not like Mike McD heading to
Atlantic City and bluffing Johnny Chan with a garbage hand. And there's no way Zack was going to lose to
an incidental character at a crucial moment in the show.
Bayside v. Valley in the County Cheerleading Competition [S1,E16]
This truly was a phenomenal upset, but its lack of importance relative to the show as a whole kept it off
the list. That, and the fact that it's cheerleading and not a real sport or competition. Uber-feminist Jessie
joins the cheer squad to boost her extra-curricular resume, then ends up writing the winning cheer.
Adding to the zaniness is the Bayside/Valley prank war; Valley kidnaps Screech, Bayside's mascot, and
puts their own dude in the Tiger outfit. Somehow, putting ants in the Tiger suit turns the Valley guy into a
gymnast and he actually helps Bayside to win. Wow.
Screech v. Peter Breschnev of Valley for chess championship [S3,E7]
This one has got a lot: intrigue, international relations, bad accents, Tori Spelling's emergence as a mid-
major character. Interestingly enough, this is the second near-miss in which Spelling plays a big role.
Valley trys to sabotage Screech, Zack tries to kidnap Valley's Great Red Hope, and everything works out in
the end.
Artie v. Death [S4,E24]
Okay, so Artie doesn't really overcome death, but the song "Oh, Artie Boy" makes this episode a classic.
Also, the fact that Slater considered a chameleon his best friend is great.
Kristi Barnes v. wrestler from Valley who must have had a vagina; either that, or he is
the third-most worthless dude on the planet (behind Bill Simmons and Skip Bayless)
[S3,E20]
Ah, yet another episode in which a character rises from nothingness to play a prominent role, only to fade
once more into oblivion. She's on the wrestling team with Slater, she starts dating Zack, and she
probably has a penis: how does this chick not get more of a run on the show?
This one missed the cut because it's not really much of an upset. I mean, it's not like Mike McD heading to
Atlantic City and bluffing Johnny Chan with a garbage hand. And there's no way Zack was going to lose to
an incidental character at a crucial moment in the show.
Bayside v. Valley in the County Cheerleading Competition [S1,E16]
This truly was a phenomenal upset, but its lack of importance relative to the show as a whole kept it off
the list. That, and the fact that it's cheerleading and not a real sport or competition. Uber-feminist Jessie
joins the cheer squad to boost her extra-curricular resume, then ends up writing the winning cheer.
Adding to the zaniness is the Bayside/Valley prank war; Valley kidnaps Screech, Bayside's mascot, and
puts their own dude in the Tiger outfit. Somehow, putting ants in the Tiger suit turns the Valley guy into a
gymnast and he actually helps Bayside to win. Wow.
Screech v. Peter Breschnev of Valley for chess championship [S3,E7]
This one has got a lot: intrigue, international relations, bad accents, Tori Spelling's emergence as a mid-
major character. Interestingly enough, this is the second near-miss in which Spelling plays a big role.
Valley trys to sabotage Screech, Zack tries to kidnap Valley's Great Red Hope, and everything works out in
the end.
Artie v. Death [S4,E24]
Okay, so Artie doesn't really overcome death, but the song "Oh, Artie Boy" makes this episode a classic.
Also, the fact that Slater considered a chameleon his best friend is great.
Kristi Barnes v. wrestler from Valley who must have had a vagina; either that, or he is
the third-most worthless dude on the planet (behind Bill Simmons and Skip Bayless)
[S3,E20]
Ah, yet another episode in which a character rises from nothingness to play a prominent role, only to fade
once more into oblivion. She's on the wrestling team with Slater, she starts dating Zack, and she
probably has a penis: how does this chick not get more of a run on the show?
Streeter's Near Misses
Female wrestler Kristi Barnes vs. Valley
wrestler
SBTB had some wacky storylines but this one takes the
cake. We all know that a girl could never win a wrestling
match against a guy.
Bayside vs. Valley in cheerleading
competition
This event capped a week which also featured the
Bayside-Valley Prank Wars. Jessie wrote the winning
cheer and the dude from Valley actually sabotaged his
own school when he donned the Tiger suit which was
filled with ants.
The Gang vs. large oil company
Zack fell for an oil-covered duck and led the gang to a
victory over the oil company who wanted to drill on
Bayside’s football field.
Slater vs. Nedick in a wrestling match
Facing off against Nedick would be a daunting task for
anyone……anyone not named Albert Clifford Slater.
Screech vs. the Russian
If you thought Rocky IV gave us reason to be proud to be
Americans then just wait till you see this. Screech
overcomes adversity to defeat the Russian and become
the new Chess champion.
Female wrestler Kristi Barnes vs. Valley
wrestler
SBTB had some wacky storylines but this one takes the
cake. We all know that a girl could never win a wrestling
match against a guy.
Bayside vs. Valley in cheerleading
competition
This event capped a week which also featured the
Bayside-Valley Prank Wars. Jessie wrote the winning
cheer and the dude from Valley actually sabotaged his
own school when he donned the Tiger suit which was
filled with ants.
The Gang vs. large oil company
Zack fell for an oil-covered duck and led the gang to a
victory over the oil company who wanted to drill on
Bayside’s football field.
Slater vs. Nedick in a wrestling match
Facing off against Nedick would be a daunting task for
anyone……anyone not named Albert Clifford Slater.
Screech vs. the Russian
If you thought Rocky IV gave us reason to be proud to be
Americans then just wait till you see this. Screech
overcomes adversity to defeat the Russian and become
the new Chess champion.