| Round 1 Breakdowns |
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Italics = winner
Max Region
Jen (4) v. Christina (5)
CS: I went with Jen on this one, all the way. Not only was she the cause of a lot of friction between Jessie and Slater (although, really, what wasn’t), she also
revealed what the AC in AC Slater stood for. The fact that she blew the lid off the Albert Clifford mystery was enough to send her on in my book.
GS: I had to go with Jen on this one as well. The Albert Clifford incident in and of itself was more than enough to send her to the next round. Plus, the sheer
irony in the idea that Jen and AC used to date while in Germany and then happened to attend the same high school in California years later was the icing on
the cake. Who could forget Slater recollecting the couple’s time spent at the Berlinaplex?
SW: I had to go with Christina on this one. I mean, she is a princess and the closest Albert Clifford ever got to royalty was the lofty stature that Artie his pet
chameleon gave him prior to his unfortunate death.
The Fat Chick (3) v. Ox (6)
CS: I am the only one who voted for the tubby girl, mainly because I have a soft spot in my heart for soft people. One of these characters was named after a
bovine, the other looked like one, so this was really a toss-up. But when the big girl won Zack in the date auction, she also won my support and admiration.
GS: I just couldn’t vote for a girl that weighed in at a legit deuce and a quarter. Hell, we can’t even remember her name so we just call her The Fat Chick.
Other than looking like she could have protected Slater’s blind side for the Bayside football team, she really wasn’t that important. Ox, however, actually did
suit up on the gridiron for the Tigers, so I went with him.
SW: Yeah, Ox must get this vote. The Fat Chick calls out Morris on his morals, but seriously, who didn’t during that show’s run? Zack is not exactly the purest
gentleman. Plus, Ox’s duties go beyond football star: Prom Committee member, toga party organizer, and, under the pseudonym of Scud, bodyguard for Johnny
Dakota!
The Hawaiian Hideaway Region
Nikki (4) v. Chief Henry (5)
CS: While the Nikki-Kelly-Zack love triangle was intriguing, I had to go with the man who dubbed our hero “Running Zack.” One thing Nikki really had going for
her was the fact that her call to Teen Line prompted the infamous “Teen Line, this is Nitro” salutation, which Zack delivered in an Aussie accent. I did think Nikki
was pretty hot though…I wonder what became of her.
GS: Nikki was pretty hot. I think she could have given Kelly a run for her money had she been a few years older. This all comes down to Nitro vs. Running
Zack. Nikki had nothing to do with “Nitro.” Chief Henry however, was the man who gave “Running Zack” his name. That is enough to win it for the Chief.
SW: Despite Nikki’s overall attractiveness, Chief Hank definitely deserves this title. The best thing Nikki did was bring Zack and Kelly closer together, while Henry
alerted Zack to his ancestry and lineage. Besides, Chief Henry was wearing that Dodgers hat, and who cannot respect a Native American who follows societal
norms?
Robin (3) v. Dan Clegg (6)
CS: There was much deliberation over this matchup, all of which came from trying to determine which Clegg cousin was which. Both are in the tourney, but we
couldn’t figure to whom we would attribute the line: “He just said take the tiger back.” In the end, we gave credit to Stan, which made Dan an also-ran.
GS: Sorry Dan, but you weren’t the Clegg with the winning line so you’re not the winner in this matchup. Maybe you should try to be more like your cousin
Stan.
SW: Yeah, Clegg just didn’t quite work it out on this one; way too much confusion with cousin Stan. Robin rocked Powers’ world, making her one of only a
handful who were able to penetrate Screech’s science-loving exterior.
The Las Vegas Region
Homeless Laura (4) v. Maxwell Nerdstrom (5)
CS: This was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. Both of these characters had an amazing influence in the short time they were on SBTB and I
remember both fondly. I went with Laura because of the age-old story of “boy meets homeless girl,” or, more accurately: “boy meets girl and then meets
homeless guy and then finds out that girl is homeless guy’s daughter, which means that she too is homeless, all of which teaches boy a lesson in caring and
humility.”
GS: I’d say Homeless Laura would have been a shoo-in to take this matchup…..until we saw her eat. Recalling the site of her devouring Zack’s leftover potato
chips, like a hungry buzzard attacking roadkill, still makes my stomach turn. Maxwell Nerdstrom laid down a Royal Flush to beat Zack and win Screech’s dog in a
poker bet. That tremendous feat earned him a spot in the next round.
SW: I had to go with Nerdstrom as well. Despite his canine embrace at the end, Nerdstrom’s overall demeanor and style go exactly with the notion of male
chauvinism and chivalry that contemporary society has shunned now for many years. However, Nerdstrom was able to pull it off with Violet for quite some time
before Screech and Hound Dog stole her from him.
Wheelchair Melissa (3) v. Stan “He just said take the tiger back” Clegg (6)
CS: Despite the fact that he’s responsible for one of the most memorable quotes in Saturday-morning sitcom history, I couldn’t vote for a Clegg. Besides,
Melissa’s handicapped-ness spawned Zack to spout lines like: “Now, let’s give it up for the only person who has to be in a wheelchair all the time,” and “Hey,
buddy, can you slouch down? My date’s in a wheelchair.” Melissa was also the central figure in the second incarnation of Teen Line, which this time around
was Tori’s brainchild.
GS: How Stan “The Man” Clegg didn’t win this matchup is beyond me. The line “He just said take the tiger back” should have been enough to send him
straight to the Final Four in my eyes. Apparently, over-enunciating your g’s and r’s can’t stand up against a handicapped girl, who, for the record, also can’t
stand up.
SW: Stan’s excellence goes without saying, but I felt like Melissa’s versatility would win out. She did stand up against Morris’s overprotection and has some
pretty nice dance moves. Besides, she could definitely give Mark Price a run for his money in a game of HORSE.
The Malibu Sands Region
Danielle from The Attic (3) v. Penny Belding (6)
CS: The fact that Danielle was the catalyst for the whole Jeff-cheats-on-Kelly storyline was enough for me to move her forward. Essentially, she opened the
door for Zack to get back with Kelly, though it would take years for him to finally seal the deal. Also, the Danielle episode featured the musical stylings of Peter,
Paul, and Mary, as sung by Zack’s mom.
GS: This was a tough one; both had their pros. Danielle was quite attractive, Penny shared a bloodline with the greatest principal in television history, Mr.
Richard Belding. Both had their cons. Danielle went to USC, Penny’s name was Penny. In the end, Penny had points deducted for using the line: “Zack is so
hot….he makes my teeth sweat.” Danielle was rewarded with a trip to the next round. We at ScrubSports later received word that Danielle is being
investigated for allegedly receiving over $250,000 in improper benefits from a local sports agency while at USC. This could tarnish her legacy and really hamper
her chances of moving forward from the next round.
SW: Her legal troubles aside, Danielle was quite the formidable force in this contest. However, her inability to deduce Zack’s fibs regarding his status at USC
leads me to believe that Danielle is not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Plus, are you actually saying that the Attic is the coolest hangout for the
college crowd? Rather lame. Penny’s exuberance and shallowness win out in a close contest, but her run ends rather abruptly in the face of her next competitor.
Krystee Clark, the wrestler (2) v. Craig Strand (7)
CS: I see Craig as the Gonzaga circa late-90’s character in this whole thing: he’s not as well known as some of his tourney counterparts, but he’s got the
potential to do a lot of damage. Though he won the ATV race with Zack, he lost his girl, and his delivery of the line: “Now you’re my girl…forever,” which was
accompanied by an incredibly cheesy smile and fist-pump gesture, elevated him to near-legend status. He is the only 1st-Round underdog to earn a unanimous
victory and he’s got some momentum heading into the Sweet 16.
GS: He is Gonzaga. He is Butler. He is George Mason. He is the type of guy that can ruin everyone’s bracket. His resume is loaded. He defeated Zack in the
ATV race. He is a spoiled, little rich kid from Boston. He uttered such classic lines as “Now you’re my girl forever” and “C’mon babe, let’s celebrate.” He is a
favorite’s worst nightmare. He has the talent, the desire, and the skills to upset anyone in his path. He is Craig Strand…..and he is NOW.
SW: Craig Strand is the type of guy that not only will eschew all rivals in four-wheel racing competitions but will ALWAYS get the girl in the end. Craig’s
arrogance and confidence won over many a heart in the greater Bean-town area, and so when Carosi turned him down, Craig went into a juvenile fit all the
way back to Boston, screaming at the person in the aisle and complaining about his drink order to the stewardess on the flight back out East. However, Craig
does not rejection lightly and recovered quickly enough to get hammered that night at the local pub, cementing his legendary status among his collegiate peers.
Craig definitely has the willpower and determination to give anyone in this tournament a tough fight, and judging by the excitement and vigor with which he
proclaimed Stacy his “girl…forever,” one must believe that Penny Belding poses no threat to this emerging force.
Max Region
Jen (4) v. Christina (5)
CS: I went with Jen on this one, all the way. Not only was she the cause of a lot of friction between Jessie and Slater (although, really, what wasn’t), she also
revealed what the AC in AC Slater stood for. The fact that she blew the lid off the Albert Clifford mystery was enough to send her on in my book.
GS: I had to go with Jen on this one as well. The Albert Clifford incident in and of itself was more than enough to send her to the next round. Plus, the sheer
irony in the idea that Jen and AC used to date while in Germany and then happened to attend the same high school in California years later was the icing on
the cake. Who could forget Slater recollecting the couple’s time spent at the Berlinaplex?
SW: I had to go with Christina on this one. I mean, she is a princess and the closest Albert Clifford ever got to royalty was the lofty stature that Artie his pet
chameleon gave him prior to his unfortunate death.
The Fat Chick (3) v. Ox (6)
CS: I am the only one who voted for the tubby girl, mainly because I have a soft spot in my heart for soft people. One of these characters was named after a
bovine, the other looked like one, so this was really a toss-up. But when the big girl won Zack in the date auction, she also won my support and admiration.
GS: I just couldn’t vote for a girl that weighed in at a legit deuce and a quarter. Hell, we can’t even remember her name so we just call her The Fat Chick.
Other than looking like she could have protected Slater’s blind side for the Bayside football team, she really wasn’t that important. Ox, however, actually did
suit up on the gridiron for the Tigers, so I went with him.
SW: Yeah, Ox must get this vote. The Fat Chick calls out Morris on his morals, but seriously, who didn’t during that show’s run? Zack is not exactly the purest
gentleman. Plus, Ox’s duties go beyond football star: Prom Committee member, toga party organizer, and, under the pseudonym of Scud, bodyguard for Johnny
Dakota!
The Hawaiian Hideaway Region
Nikki (4) v. Chief Henry (5)
CS: While the Nikki-Kelly-Zack love triangle was intriguing, I had to go with the man who dubbed our hero “Running Zack.” One thing Nikki really had going for
her was the fact that her call to Teen Line prompted the infamous “Teen Line, this is Nitro” salutation, which Zack delivered in an Aussie accent. I did think Nikki
was pretty hot though…I wonder what became of her.
GS: Nikki was pretty hot. I think she could have given Kelly a run for her money had she been a few years older. This all comes down to Nitro vs. Running
Zack. Nikki had nothing to do with “Nitro.” Chief Henry however, was the man who gave “Running Zack” his name. That is enough to win it for the Chief.
SW: Despite Nikki’s overall attractiveness, Chief Hank definitely deserves this title. The best thing Nikki did was bring Zack and Kelly closer together, while Henry
alerted Zack to his ancestry and lineage. Besides, Chief Henry was wearing that Dodgers hat, and who cannot respect a Native American who follows societal
norms?
Robin (3) v. Dan Clegg (6)
CS: There was much deliberation over this matchup, all of which came from trying to determine which Clegg cousin was which. Both are in the tourney, but we
couldn’t figure to whom we would attribute the line: “He just said take the tiger back.” In the end, we gave credit to Stan, which made Dan an also-ran.
GS: Sorry Dan, but you weren’t the Clegg with the winning line so you’re not the winner in this matchup. Maybe you should try to be more like your cousin
Stan.
SW: Yeah, Clegg just didn’t quite work it out on this one; way too much confusion with cousin Stan. Robin rocked Powers’ world, making her one of only a
handful who were able to penetrate Screech’s science-loving exterior.
The Las Vegas Region
Homeless Laura (4) v. Maxwell Nerdstrom (5)
CS: This was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to make. Both of these characters had an amazing influence in the short time they were on SBTB and I
remember both fondly. I went with Laura because of the age-old story of “boy meets homeless girl,” or, more accurately: “boy meets girl and then meets
homeless guy and then finds out that girl is homeless guy’s daughter, which means that she too is homeless, all of which teaches boy a lesson in caring and
humility.”
GS: I’d say Homeless Laura would have been a shoo-in to take this matchup…..until we saw her eat. Recalling the site of her devouring Zack’s leftover potato
chips, like a hungry buzzard attacking roadkill, still makes my stomach turn. Maxwell Nerdstrom laid down a Royal Flush to beat Zack and win Screech’s dog in a
poker bet. That tremendous feat earned him a spot in the next round.
SW: I had to go with Nerdstrom as well. Despite his canine embrace at the end, Nerdstrom’s overall demeanor and style go exactly with the notion of male
chauvinism and chivalry that contemporary society has shunned now for many years. However, Nerdstrom was able to pull it off with Violet for quite some time
before Screech and Hound Dog stole her from him.
Wheelchair Melissa (3) v. Stan “He just said take the tiger back” Clegg (6)
CS: Despite the fact that he’s responsible for one of the most memorable quotes in Saturday-morning sitcom history, I couldn’t vote for a Clegg. Besides,
Melissa’s handicapped-ness spawned Zack to spout lines like: “Now, let’s give it up for the only person who has to be in a wheelchair all the time,” and “Hey,
buddy, can you slouch down? My date’s in a wheelchair.” Melissa was also the central figure in the second incarnation of Teen Line, which this time around
was Tori’s brainchild.
GS: How Stan “The Man” Clegg didn’t win this matchup is beyond me. The line “He just said take the tiger back” should have been enough to send him
straight to the Final Four in my eyes. Apparently, over-enunciating your g’s and r’s can’t stand up against a handicapped girl, who, for the record, also can’t
stand up.
SW: Stan’s excellence goes without saying, but I felt like Melissa’s versatility would win out. She did stand up against Morris’s overprotection and has some
pretty nice dance moves. Besides, she could definitely give Mark Price a run for his money in a game of HORSE.
The Malibu Sands Region
Danielle from The Attic (3) v. Penny Belding (6)
CS: The fact that Danielle was the catalyst for the whole Jeff-cheats-on-Kelly storyline was enough for me to move her forward. Essentially, she opened the
door for Zack to get back with Kelly, though it would take years for him to finally seal the deal. Also, the Danielle episode featured the musical stylings of Peter,
Paul, and Mary, as sung by Zack’s mom.
GS: This was a tough one; both had their pros. Danielle was quite attractive, Penny shared a bloodline with the greatest principal in television history, Mr.
Richard Belding. Both had their cons. Danielle went to USC, Penny’s name was Penny. In the end, Penny had points deducted for using the line: “Zack is so
hot….he makes my teeth sweat.” Danielle was rewarded with a trip to the next round. We at ScrubSports later received word that Danielle is being
investigated for allegedly receiving over $250,000 in improper benefits from a local sports agency while at USC. This could tarnish her legacy and really hamper
her chances of moving forward from the next round.
SW: Her legal troubles aside, Danielle was quite the formidable force in this contest. However, her inability to deduce Zack’s fibs regarding his status at USC
leads me to believe that Danielle is not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. Plus, are you actually saying that the Attic is the coolest hangout for the
college crowd? Rather lame. Penny’s exuberance and shallowness win out in a close contest, but her run ends rather abruptly in the face of her next competitor.
Krystee Clark, the wrestler (2) v. Craig Strand (7)
CS: I see Craig as the Gonzaga circa late-90’s character in this whole thing: he’s not as well known as some of his tourney counterparts, but he’s got the
potential to do a lot of damage. Though he won the ATV race with Zack, he lost his girl, and his delivery of the line: “Now you’re my girl…forever,” which was
accompanied by an incredibly cheesy smile and fist-pump gesture, elevated him to near-legend status. He is the only 1st-Round underdog to earn a unanimous
victory and he’s got some momentum heading into the Sweet 16.
GS: He is Gonzaga. He is Butler. He is George Mason. He is the type of guy that can ruin everyone’s bracket. His resume is loaded. He defeated Zack in the
ATV race. He is a spoiled, little rich kid from Boston. He uttered such classic lines as “Now you’re my girl forever” and “C’mon babe, let’s celebrate.” He is a
favorite’s worst nightmare. He has the talent, the desire, and the skills to upset anyone in his path. He is Craig Strand…..and he is NOW.
SW: Craig Strand is the type of guy that not only will eschew all rivals in four-wheel racing competitions but will ALWAYS get the girl in the end. Craig’s
arrogance and confidence won over many a heart in the greater Bean-town area, and so when Carosi turned him down, Craig went into a juvenile fit all the
way back to Boston, screaming at the person in the aisle and complaining about his drink order to the stewardess on the flight back out East. However, Craig
does not rejection lightly and recovered quickly enough to get hammered that night at the local pub, cementing his legendary status among his collegiate peers.
Craig definitely has the willpower and determination to give anyone in this tournament a tough fight, and judging by the excitement and vigor with which he
proclaimed Stacy his “girl…forever,” one must believe that Penny Belding poses no threat to this emerging force.