Murphy’s Blog

Since the most recent season of Nip/Tuck ended, I’ve been in search of a new embarassing vice.  I found it after finally getting sick of not knowing who the skinny, femme-looking white rapper is in the Boost Mobile commercial with Young Jeezy and Jermaine Dupri.  I Googled “Boost Mobile commercial” and, seriously, the first item on the search list was a question from Yahoo! Questions asking: “who is the white guy in the boost mobile commercial with Jermaine Dupree and Young Jeezy?”  The answer: Mickey Avalon.  So I Google “Mickey Avalon” and learn that he’s some crazy, drug-addled cat with a really Jewish name (Yeshe Perl) who got together with former MTV VJ Simon Rex, aka: Dirt Nasty, and decided to become a rapper.  He got big on MySpace and has his own album, which I subsequently purchased at Best Buy.  I do, by the way, see the irony in actually purchasing from a retail store an album from a guy who got famous purely through the internet.  Why didn’t I just pirate the music or download it legally?  Well, the CD was only $10, so I figured there was little to lose.  I wasn’t expecting to dislike his stuff, but I wasn’t realy expecting to like it much either.  To my surprise, I love the CD!  The beats and the hooks are catchy, the lyrics (while very crude and not for the faint of heart) are phenomenal, and most of the songs are fun.  In fact, Mickey Avalon sounds a lot like Eminem would if Em was Jewish and from LA, and if he wasn’t quite as angry.  A majority of the album’s content involves drug use, sex with random chicks, prostitution, and either sodomizing or beating up your dad or brother.  It ain’t the Beatles, but it’s got some good stuff.  And it also brings back that timeless classic: the extra track.  Track 69 (and there really are, like 55 blank tracks) is a song from Avalon’s group, Dyslexic Speedreaders, featuring the aforementioned Dirt Nasty and the relatively unknown Andre Legacy, called “My Dick.”  I laughed out loud at several points during the song, in which each member of the group takes turns telling listeners how much better their dicks are than yours.  I should be too old, too smart, or too cultured to like this…but I’m not.  This is the best CD I’ve purchased in a long time and I look forward to getting back in my car tomorrow morning to listen to it some more.

Okay, did anyone else out there watch the Minnesota/Maryland NIT game?  It was on right after the NCAA play-in game between Mt. St. Mary’s and Coppin St.  If you had nothing else to watch (I caught 24 seconds of the game before putting in “No Country For Old Men”) you were treated to the site of Steve Lavin sans hair grease.  When I first saw the shot, I thought they were flashing back to 1994 or something.  Lav, who usually sports enough pomade to make Pat Riley jealous looked more like Zack Morris than Richard Grieco.  I guess his product was confiscated by the Minneapolis TSA, because his coif was parted on top and was all high and poofy.  In fact, the only thing holding down his hair was his headset.  I can only imagine the cries of horror from Italian men everywhere.

For some unbeknownst reason, people outside the U-S of A love Linda Hogan and are being driven to ScrubSports.com as a result.  The popularity continues to drive site traffic via Google images, though it’s anyone’s guess how or why this is happening.  Almost 50 people a day come to the site from other countries, which is probably more than the number of Americans who view our site.  Go figure. 

 And if you were wondering, the dishwasher is working.  Now I just need to figure out how to load it in such a way that the outermost dishes actually get washed.

After putting up with a dishwasher that didn’t wash or dry our dishes well for the better part of 2 years, my wife and I decided that it was time for a new appliance.  Oh, did I mention that our dishwasher also smelled like open wet ass?  Yeah, if you opened that bad boy after having not run it in about 2 days, you were in for a rude awakening.  In any case, I felt that the $115 installation fee was a bit steep and that I could surely, with my novice home improvement skills, pull a quick DIY job and be done with it.  Well, it took me about 2 hours just to UN-INSTALL the POS we had.  I then started putting in the new one, quickly discovering that I’d need new connectors, silicone tape, a new hot water hose, and various other items from Home Depot.  So, after about 8 hours of labor, I finally got the damn thing in and squared up and it was running without a leak.  So I run it through a cycle and realize…I had forgotten the damn soap.  And even when I remembered the soap, it still didn’t wash the dishes well.  Nice.  Wish me luck.

Toot, toot, m-f’ers!!!  Nice game, Boilers!  Hell yeah, IU cowboyed up behind their Lumbee Indian coach to lay a whuppin’ on in-state rival and top-25 team Purdue.  This was the first time since ‘94 that both teams were ranked this highly and Purdue was riding an 11-game winning streak.  Oh, this was also the only time the two teams would square off this year.  Hey, I get that having 11 teams means not playing everyone twice, but you’ve got to have some fucking common sense when you make the schedules.  IU and Purdue NEED TO PLAY TWICE EVERY YEAR.  And if you’re only going to have them play once, you need to at least put the game in a semi-neutral location.  Indy would be nice, but it would be a pro-IU crowd; that’s fine with me, but the legions of Boiler fans who overrate their teams every year would probably take issue with it.  Hell, I’m sure some of them were upset that their only game against their rivals this year had to be at Assembly Hall.  I can only hope the convincing IU win has washed the sand from their collective vagina. 

Early reports on the game said that DJ White’s participation would be “iffy,” but I think he proved that he was anything but.  I had been afraid that his balky knee might cause him some problems, but I saw during the game that it was not the knee, but rather his gigantic balls, that got in the way.  Seriously, I can’t think of the last time I saw a man RIP down boards and go up that strong to the bucket with 3 guys on him.  He was playing like a man on fire.  As my brother texted me after a particularly manly DJ play, “if this game was Altered Beast, he just got a power up.”  DJ played like the main character from that lauded video game, collecting errant shots like power-ups and casting aside Boilers like so many cartoon zombies on his way to victory. 

Finally, I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that I felt as if Purdue would win this game.  I mean, the IU program is in limbo, their best player was supposedly questionable for the game.  Yeah, that’s right, I just called DJ White their best player.  EJ is awesome, but he has a long way to go before he’s a great player.  Hell, Kelvin Sampson might be done after tonight.  But despite all that, the Hoosiers came out and fought back against the early hot shooting of the overmatched Boilers and they showed who the real Top-15 team was.  Purdue’s interior weakness and lack of speed was exposed.  IU closed out on the perimeter shooters, switched well on screens, and moved the ball effectively in the transition, all of which led to easy buckets. 

Okay, I know I said “finally” earlier, but I’ve got more.  I’m a little drunk, so I am just a bit effusive right now.  Matt Painter is not my favorite dude in the world, but I have to admit that he’s done quite a bit with the talent level he’s dealing with.  Typically, the Purdue lineup and a quarter would still not be enough to make a long-distance phone call, but he’s somehow molded that team into a contender.  Making sucking Bruce Weber’s balls makes you a better coach.

I’m sure this news comes as a shock to you, but in my opinion, Marissa Miller should be the sole covergirl for the SI Swimsuit Edition until she’s 40.  And even then, she’ll still probably be better looking than most of the other chicks they could throw up there.  Why did they even have other girls in the mag this year?  Seriously though, there didn’t seem to be nearly enough of the cover model’s shots inside the issue, which was more than mildly disappointing.  The body paint shots were very nice though. 

In a slightly different vein, does everyone else remember how the Swimsuit Edition used to be this almost taboo issue of SI that came in February to melt the winter snows away?  I know a lot of people used to get super pissed about it, and I’m sure many still do.  But that one single issue has become a HUGE cultural phenomenon, so kudos to SI for continuing on with it and making it bigger and bigger all the time.  The one thing that worries me is that it appears to me that the talent is getting a little watered down and the hype may be getting a little much.  It could just be that notalgia has airbrushed the women in my memories, but I used to think that every girl in that issue was a goddess.  Now, I think about half of them look like they spent the last month with Amy Winehouse in a posh rehab facility.  And, since it’s actually on topic, I want to put in a shameless plug for one of my sponsors, Addison St. Sports Illustrated Store on eBay.  They sell tons of old issues of SI, including several Swimsuit Editions.  Click the link to check them out.

Sorry, Chief, but you cannot bring this kind of shame upon the IU program and keep your job.  Mike Davis beat on his own forehead like a frightened autistic kid but at least he never had the NCAA sniffing around.  IU might not be the premier destination for America’s blue-chip talent any longer, but it’s always been a squeaky clean program.  Hell, I might think about cutting this cat some slack if IU was playing good, fundamental basketball, but even that’s not happening.  I mean, where is the nose-to-the-grindstond, blue-collar stuff we saw from Sampson’s Sooners?  If these latest notices from the N-C-2-A are even close to true, I think we need to tell Sampson “laters.”

Wow, I’m sitting here in my underwear and my Cubs robe watching this melodrama unfold and it’s hilarious.  The Rocket is so full of shit; he’s stuttering and trying to smear around the truth so that he doesn’t look as bad.  He has done absolutely nothing to make me think he’s telling the truth, particularly now that he’s trying to refute everything Pettitte said.  Clemens’ responses are just that Andy Pettitte must have misheard or misunderstood what Roger was saying.  Yeah, he misheard you telling him that you had shot up HGH.  Now they’re pulling out Pettitte’s wife’s affadavit, which ALSO says that Clemens told Pettitte that he used HGH.  And Clemens again says that Andy misremembers.  What’s worse is that Clemens is basically throwing his friend under the bus.

I’m pretty skeptical of all the “free” offers I see everywhere.  Hell, I’m even skeptical of stuff that costs money.  Like when this Viatnamese whore approached me and said: “Fi dolla, fi dolla!  Me so ho-ny, baby, me love you long time.  Fi dolla, ennuh-ting you want, baby,” I was understandably pessimistic.  In any case, I was beginning to wonder about the rebate that came as a part of my purchase of a Samsung Blu-Ray player from a big box electroics retailer.  I was supposed to get 5 free movies with my purchase, so I filled out the necessary stuff and mailed it off.  Well, sure enough, I got my 5 movies in the mail today in what may well be the shoddiest packaging ever.  I was pretty happy about it, even though the likelihood of me watching all of the movies is slim. 

Also, Matt Painter sucks.

I had never heard of him before tonight, but Calvin Brock of Illinois is a damn fine ballplayer.  He’s not a guy who’s going to light up the scoreboard, but he does a lot of things that help you win ballgames.  I just kept hearing his name, whether it was a rebound, block, steal, or just general hustle play.  He was almost as much a part of the Illini’s near upset of IU as Lance Stemler and Jamarcus Ellis’s worthlessness.