Staff
Who We Are

ScrubSports.com is made up of various underachievers and n'er-do-wells.  
Click on names to email your (least) favorite writer.
A classically-trained writer, Sheffield toiled in vain for years to
write the great American novel. When all he squeezed out was
a musical-porn adaptation of Atlas Shrugged, he turned to fake
sports journalism and founded ScrubSports.com. His short
attention span and lack of tact made it a natural choice and his
magnetic personality soon drew other losers to his cause. This
is totally unrelated to the rest of this bio, but while on an
Sizzurp-and-Absinthe-fueled bender in Florence, Clark got a
tattoo on his left buttock that reads: “Suck the White Fox.”
Sheffield is not necessarily racist, sexist, or homophobic, but
simply has a general distaste for most of humanity. Poking fun
at other people makes him feel better about his own
shortcomings.
In addition to being the main reason for the Chicago Cubs'
century of futility, Murphy is a huge part of the reason that
ScrubSports.com is so middle-of-the-road. His overwhelming
pessimism has led him to consider suicide, and homocide, on
multiple occassions. While he might otherwise be able to
contribute to the overall betterment of society, The Goat
chooses to use his rapist's wit and acerbic personality to make
fun of it. And, just in case you were wondering, Murphy has
taken great pains to maintain his anonymity, which is why he
submitted this photo of a graven image, forged for him by some
of his more fanatical followers.
Scrub's resident college football expert, Bob is somewhat out of
place on this panel. He's not overly bitter, he's gainfully
employed, and he drinks beer from bottles that hold less than
40 ounces. Further, his youthful appearance is in stark contrast
with most of the haggard carcasses littering our offices. The
only thing that even remotely relates this goomba to the rest of
these derelicts is the fact that he took out a contract on Lloyd
Carr's life a couple of years ago.  Carr's not dead (yet), but one
of Bob's dreams came true when the UM coach stepped down.
He is now putting all of his efforts into a campaign to earn an
interview for the open position.  Loblaw is filled to the brim with
useless knowledge and is hoping that by passing that useless
knowledge to ScrubSports' useless readers, he'll make himself
useful. Right.
After traveling the world and finding that it was just as full of
idiots as the good ol' US of A, George returned homeHis
globetrotting left him bitter and penniless, so he spent the
better part of a decade living in the alley behind the
ScrubSports HQ. Rather than just give him money for nothing
(and chicks for free), we decided to make him work for his
booze. In exchange for the occasional literary contribution, we
supply George with enough Wild Irish Rose to keep him just this
side of catatonic. To this point, no one's really sure who's
getting the better end of the deal.
Our least-worldly staffer, Skippy was homeschooled until the
age of 25 by his mother, Dorothy. As such, his only link to pop
culture was Patrick Swayze movies. He owns the entire
catalogue of the 80’s lothario’s works and can quote both Black
Dog and Roadhouse verbatim. His affinity is so deep that he
actually petitioned Verizon to designate She’s Like the Wind as
his ringback tone. Hell, his email signature is: “Nobody puts
Skippy in a corner.”  He writes for ScrubSports because he likes
the social interaction he gets from posting articles on the
Internet Superhighway and because he earns community
service points toward his Weeblos promotion.
Once a master practitioner of Rex Kwon Do and a pioneer of
backyard MMA, Wildfire's ascent to the octagon was slowed by a
mishap in a 1985 bout. His opponent held a rear naked choke
for far too long, depriving Rage of precious oxygen. As a result,
our hero was left with partial paralysis of the left side of his face
and minimal bowel control. Searching for an outlet for his
intense rage, he began rolling bums for pocket change. The
ScrubSports staff actually met him after pulling him off of George
Streeter; he's been covering MMA action for us ever since.
Wildfire is still trying to make a legitimate return to the ring but
has found that sanctioning bodies and potential opponents
don't look kindly on combatants who wear colostomy bags.
Tommy Morrison's camp, however, has show some interest, so
we've all got our fingers crossed.
That's George in front of TD Jesus.
An 8th-year junior at Ball State, Steve was the winner of the
ScrubSports Scholarship and Internship competition. His
exceptional merit earned him an unpaid spot on our staff, a $10
eFollett gift certificate, and a bottle of Dr. McGillicuddy’s
Mentholmint Schnapps. As ScrubSports’ lone intern, Steve is
responsible for brewing our afternoon coffee, lancing George
Streeter’s bedsores, and writing about the subjects we don’t
feel like covering. If he displays the same extraordinary drive
and work ethic at ScrubSports that made him the 3rd-Shift
Supervisor at Pizza Express, Whitewater is destined for
exceptional mediocrity.
Bob Baroni comes to us from Carbondale, IL, where's he's been
playing the role of dirty old man for the past couple decades.  
After working as a cameraman on stag films in the 70's and 80's
(both the t-shirt he's wearing and his nickname were given to
him by the makers of Deep Throat), Baroni took up nude
modeling for a short time before finally finding solid work as a
Good Humor ice cream truck driver.  Not content to simply
spread joy with his mobile confectionary, Bob began to operate
numerous intricate cons and schemes with several local widows.
Now reformed, "Best Eva" is set to battle with Wildfire for MMA
pick 'em supremacy and to provide ScrubSports.com with a
conduit to info on his hometown Salukis.
Bob "Best Eva" Baroni